I think I'm the opposite of everybody else I know......While everyone else is so afraid to fail, I'm afraid to succeed. To actually have EVERYTHING I've ever dreamed of in the palm of my hands would scare the living daylights out of me. ....But it baffles me as to why I'm afraid to be happy!!!! I questioned myself  "Khadijah you  don't think you deserve to be happy?" And after careful thought I realized its not that I dont think I deserve it but whats going to happen when I receive it? What price am I going to have to pay for living out all of my dreams? I've seen so much pain, heartache, and disappointment that anything remotely close to what my heart desires seems distant and unreal. I remember years ago when I would watch movies and people would travel places as simple as Miami and Las Vegas I would fantasize about doing that but I always regarded them as just that.....FANTASIES. I didnt think a girl from the projects whose parents she never seen travel outside of New York City could go where the Sand is White and the water is Blue. But eventually God blessed me with the opportunity to finally see those places. You would thuink that by finally seeing or doing some of the things I've only dreamed of that would push me to strive harder to see all of my dreams come true, but instead after the disbelief came the FEAR. "This is too good to be true. This can't be happening!" Is what I told myself. And would you believe that FEAR is used to approach and hinder everything in my life!!! I've set myself so far back because I have an irrational FEAR of moving forward, fulfilling my dreams, and being great. I don't know what I think is going to happen. I don't know why I'm ALWAYS looking for the ball to drop, the disappointment, the bad news, or the sad ending. I guess thats because most of the time thats what I've experienced. I NEED TO MAKE A CHANGE.