Date: January 6, 2014
Time: 9:13pm
Reason: Getting To The Business....
Song: Miss Independent - Ne-Yo




Dear Khadijah,

School in 15 days????????? I am so, so, so, so PROUD of you!!!! You are following up, following through, and following plans. I am so HAPPY for you. Now we all have to do is KEEP you focused. There is no way to force you but I will constantly remind you...KHADIJAH THIS IS YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!
For the past 31yrs you have lived a certain way and that way has gotten you NOWHERE.
You're NOT as physically fit, educated, married or successful as YOU want to be. But you constantly tell yourself that these are all the things you want. If so then there are some things or should I say some changes that need to be made in order to reach the point you so eagerly desire. But first you must start small and with things you have control over like EDUCATION & HEALTH....

HEALTH FIRST....Khadijah you are a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN with a bright future ahead of you as long as you follow Gods plan for your life. Get rid of those poor habits. Consume foods that nourish and replenish your body not ones that pollute, damage or poison your body.
EXERCISE!
EXERCISE!
EXERCISE!
Walk, run, jump, get that heart pumping, those muscles moving, and some air in them lungs. Do whatever it is you need to do to shed that unhealthy weight that could ultimately kill you. Its not hard. It just requires consistency, dedication, and to want that ish so much that you can't focus on anything else but IT!
Also, whenever you feel something is not right with your body DON'T WAIT, DON'T PROCRASTINATE, DON'T HOLD OUT, GO SEE WHAT IS GOING ON IMMEDIATELY!!!!! Your body always tells on itself, TRUST IT! You don't want to wait until something major happens and its too late! HEALTH FIRST, EVERYTHING ELSE IS SECONDARY!!!!

EDUCATION SECOND....Khadijah you are an extremely SMART girl. You pick up things quickly, you retain information well, you're a critical thinker and a fast one, you're logical, intelligent and open minded. Of course you shouldn't need a piece of paper to say all of these things about you but unfortuanately in the world we live in today....YOU DO!!! But in your case its not about the paper so much as it is about the HARD WORK & DEDICATION it takes for you to obtain that piece of paper. You NEED to work hard and dedicate yourself to something to know what that feels like. Once you apply those skills to one area in your life then you can begin to apply them to ALL areas of your life.
In order to obtain anything in life you MUST be willing to work hard and dedicate/commit yourself to it.
The things you want in life only become hard when the devil busy. If you focus on the God in you that will make the journey much easier!


Time is UP and it is half past NOW!!!!!!



Letsssssssssssssssss Workkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!


Love,

Khadijah

About 3 months ago I went up to New Rock City and while I was there I played Laser Tag. For those of you who don't know what that is its a game where you pick two teams to go up against each other with a Laser Gun and whichever team gets the most shots against the opposing team they're the winners. But something that stood out to me was throughout the course of the game after about 10 shots each player had to go back to the home station and REFILL their gun. If you did not refill your gun, you could not shoot and no shots meant you lose the game. The goal of course is to WIN! But as I said the REFILL part stood out more to me because it made me think of life in general. I AM IN THE FIELD OF HUMAN DEVELOPMENT. I pride myself on specializing in the growth and positive change of people. But the one thing I've come to learn about this field is its very DRAINING!!!! It takes alot to try and help EVERYBODY and also work on yourself in the process. So I've learned some very important principals to live by in order to continue working in this field and ENJOYING what I do. 1) I have come to realize that its good to be HANDS ON but also be able to assess when its time to take your hands OFF.Some people learn the value of the experience when they realize you are no longer trying to impose it on them. So sometimes I just come by and water the plant, somebody else can come and watch it grow. 2) I've acknowledged that I CAN'T SAVE EVERYBODY!!!!!!! In every person that I encounter I do my very best to help them grow and develop into a better THEM! I listen to them COMPASSIONATELY, I provide a comfortable space for them to share in, I acknowledge THEIR feelings and I do my best to assist WITHOUT offending, insulting, degrading or disrespecting them. When I've done all I physically & emotionally can I realize thats all I can do for them. Maybe they got it, maybe they didn't. I take pride in the fact that I've done my very best and thats all GOD expects of ME. 3) And last but not least, just like in Laser Tag I MAKE SURE I GET MY REFILL AS MUCH AS I CAN AND AS MUCH AS ITS NEEDED! Not only do I help others develop and grow but I allow others to help me do the same. I read a quote that said "You should not have to rip yourself into pieces to keep others whole." I totally agree but I also feel that if you CONSISTENTLY get your refills it makes it harder and harder for you to be ripped to pieces in your quest to make other whole! Remember SELF PRESERVATION IS THE FIRST LAW OF NATURE!

My prayers and condolences to ALL of the women who had it hard coming up and an even LONGER prayer to the ones who can't overcome what they've been through. I remember the year Remy Martin shot the young lady and the young lady's father was in the paper crying saying "This girl used to come to my house to get my Daughter all the time." That brought tears to my eyes. Am I saying that that young lady was right to steal from Remy Martin when all she was trying to do was make a living for her and her son? HELL NO and in all honesty she probably did need a good 'ole fashioned a** whipping BUT to shoot that girl speaks volumes about Remy as an individual more so than it does about the other young lady. How much pain have you endured to push you to a point where you want to KILL somebody? That level of anger and rage is DEEPER than one isolated incident. That comes from YEARSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS of hurting about stuff that either haven't been dealt with, no one cares about or you don't even know you have. I encourage, urge, and challenge ALL of my ladies to take a look inside...Examine your OWN actions, behaviors, and responses to the things that you're not only going through BUT also the things you've been through!!!!! I ALWAYS preach this day in and day out....WE ARE ONLY RESPONSIBLE FOR SELF IN THIS LIFETIME!!!! In front of the judge and at the pearly gates you will only have to answer for SELF....Take accountability for YOUR actions and God will give you YOUR blessings. Monitoring other peoples actions will only block your blessings....Choose wisely!

Not too long ago I posted something on FaceBook about me and my Mothers Weight Watchers journey. Underneath the status she wrote "What I tell you about putting my business on FaceBook?" Meanwhile what I put was nothing revealing or negative it was just HER business and she DIDN'T want it shared. I RESPECT THAT BUT....#FactsAboutKhadijah I AM VERY TRANSPARENT! I share a lot of myself. One of my favorite quotes is "I have no secrets because I have no shame" Not only have I been through some things in my life BUT I've done some things in my life that the average person would stop and look at me like I am CRAZY! A lot, no let me rephrase that ALL of those things were done when I was HURTING. Spiritually I was in so much pain I could not think straight. Hurt and pain will cause you to do some CRAZY things. Is that justification for my behavior? NO. I don't need any. But the only response I ALWAYS give when asked is "that behavior" WAS APART OF MY JOURNEY. Had I not gone through that painful phase I could not be where I am today. Had I not had those experiences I would not be who I am today. Had I not survived them I could not share this with anyone today in the hope that they won't follow the same path. I get a lot of phone calls, e-mails and text messages in regards to Operation "Heal 100 Hearts" One of the first things people say to me is that "they don't want anyone knowing their business" and believe it or not that's why so many other people have yet to reach out to me. People don't want the world knowing their secrets because their STILL ashamed of them. I GET THAT. But let me tell you what you don't get. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY YOUR HURTING FOR OTHERS TO SEE YOUR PAIN. Pain is transparent as well. No matter how you try to hide or camouflage it, it shows! In your behaviors, your words, your fears, your actions and your body language. The things you obsess over, the things you run from, the things you post, the way you allow yourself to be treated is ALL a reflection of you and most of us are hurting. Not only are we hurting but we're ashamed and embarrassed to let anyone know. NOT ME. That pain had its hand so tight around my neck it damn near killed me. I'm too talented, loving, understanding and worthy to allow that to happen. So I opened up and with the help of God, people, opportunities and love my heart has been healed. God blessed me with the spirit of discernment and I'm using my gift for good. Praying that is impacts peoples lives the way it did mine. I can't and I won't share peoples journey, its NOT my place. But when I can do is assist them in getting to a point where they're NOT ashamed to share it themselves. The journey makes us who we are! Come be apart of HERstory..... *WE ALL NEED SOMEBODY TO LEAN ON*

Up early self assessing....It's July which represents we're halfway through the year. I set some goals in the beginning of the year that I'll be damned if I don't see them through. SCHOOL is DEFINITELY on my list of "to do's" I think I finished last semester very good, I enjoyed it and the experience was very much needed. I just need to improve my study habits and work on my time management. WORK...There has to be some improvements made in this area as well. I NEED to become more organized, more focused and more consistent. This is how I get my bread and butter and this is what I love to do, I can't let anything jeopardize that. WORKING OUT/GYM Everything about this is MENTAL and I KNOW that! My body CAN handle it it's just about wrapping my mind around the concept that NO it's not always going to be comfortable, YES I will be pushed beyond my limits and it will NOT happen overnight but if I keep at it...IT WILL HAPPEN! EATING CLEAN from what I hear is 80% of the battle! If I don't change that than I'm setting myself up for a losing battle. The problem is I'm a "Creature Of Habit" so I like to stick with what I know! But I have to keep reminding myself that I'm trying to divorce what I know/my old reality and create and entirely new one. RESPONSIBILITIES....I am 32 and a half years old. I am NOT a baby anymore! THIS IS MY LIFE....I KNOW exactly what I WANT it's just a matter of working towards achieving those goals. As an adult BILLS NEED TO BE PAID ON TIME, MONEY NEEDS TO BE MANAGED PROPERLY (keyword: properly NOT perfectly) and THINGS NEED TO BE DONE IN ORDER OF PRIORITY NOT LUXURY!!!!! In order for me to work on any of these things I have to pray over them. I speak to God on an hourly basis. He's aware of my fears, struggles and wants. He places things in my hands and in my heart for me to strive for, I just have to work on the fear of not just wanting but having all that God has in store for me. But like the old saying says....Knowing is just half the battle and from all of the things I just shared, I'm well aware!

I get so many e-mails, texts, phone calls, inboxes, DM's and have so many face to face conversations with women who tell me "because of you I am INSPIRED!" That melts my heart to know I can be the inspiration behind another woman changing her life for the better especially when God has given me so many inspirational, influential women in my life to do the same for me. I am ELATED about Operation "Heal 100 Hearts" only because God healed mine first. All of the things that people assumed or knew about me WAS TRUE! I was an instigating, manipulative, angry, spiteful, sneaky, harsh woman. I was only all of those things because I WAS a woman in pain. But the worst kind because I was EXCELLENT at hiding it and recognizing everyone else's. NO ONE WANTS TO SHOW THEIR SCARS!!!! I understand that. I also respect it. But for me I know hiding my scars meant a lot of tearful, sleepless nights. It didn't matter that nobody else knew I was hurting that didn't ease the pain not one bit. Until one day I got TIRED of crying, tired of hurting and tired of living in misery. But who could I trust to show my scars? NOBODY! No matter how "close" you are to a person or how much they love you it's human nature for people to judge, I just learned to be okay with that. You know why???? BECAUSE EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD HAS SCARS!!!! No two peoples scars are identical BUT we're all still scarred nonetheless. Once I became okay with that I began to share. I shared things I told God I would take to my grave and to my surprise I attracted women who shared some of the same feelings and experiences. Some of them even had a remedy for the pain. And the more I shared my pain, the more I learned from it and the more I learned the easier it became to LET IT GO!!!! I'm NOT that b*tch I once was because I no longer hide my scars. I no longer hide my scars because I'm not ashamed of them. I know people see my IG/FB/YouTube and judge me harshly, that doesn't bother me. Maybe some of the things I say and do they would NEVER but there is some things that they've said and done that although they haven't shared it with the world doesn't change the fact that they've done it. I'm aware NOT everybody is like me. Whether their heart is healed or not some women may NEVER feel comfortable enough with "sharing" their personal experiences with the world, that's cool. As long as those experiences are not what's keeping you up crying late at night than I respect their privacy and their journey. Me, personally I'm so THANKFUL that God has healed my heart that I want to go around sharing that remedy with the world!!!! Believe it or not I'm a better person because of it. All glory be to God for the journey, vision, and love to fulfill my dreams. *We ALL Need Somebody To Lean On*

The "WAIT" requires PATIENCE, FAITH, STRENGTH AND A LOVE FOR JESUS CHRIST LIKE NOBODY KNOWS OR COULD POSSIBLY FATHOM. The "WAIT" also sucks monkeys balls....I'm here to tell you!!!!!! I am 32yrs old and I've been "WAITING" since I was 18yrs old....But you know what I've just figured out? Thats my PROBLEM....I'VE JUST BEEN WAITING....Sitting around "waiting" when instead of waiting I should have been LIVING. I should have been reaching, planning, praying and moving. FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD...Yes I believe God has tremendous things in store for me but I can't just sit on my hands and "WAIT" for these things to fall into my lap, I have to take the neccesary steps to bring these things into fruition. Not to mention if I'm WORKING as opposed to sitting around "waiting" than I probably wouldn't have time to notice how long or hard the "WAIT" actually is!