For as long as I can remember I've been sheltered....Loved, nurtured, cared for and understood. Growing up I never imagined that changing and if I did have any thoughts of change it would be when I was a Grandmother and my parents had already seen 3 or 4 generations come up. NEVER in my wildest dreams did I imagine that at the tender and still very impressionable age of 23 would half of my security blanket be snatched from under my feet without any warning, instructions,  plans or replacement.

I remember it vividly like it was yesterday. It was a frigid WInter Tuesday,  December 13, 2005.  I came home from work like any other day, 5:34pm. My Mom and little brother were sitting at the table, they were making jokes about my Dad saying he had gotten paid that day and cut out with his check because he was late coming home and he's normally never late. So as the time went by my Mom started to get nervous, she called the precint and they informed her they didnt have anyone by that name. My Mom then asked my little brother to go down to the hospital. My brother left out, my Mom started cooking, and I went in the room to watch TV.

About 20 minutes later I heard the front door open, my Mom scream, and pots fall. By the time I reached the dining room all of my mothers dinner was on the floor,  my Mother was gone, and my Brother stood in the doorway looking the most broken & confused I've ever seen him in my life! He never spoke, I just knew. I slid down the wall to the floor of our 3 bedroom apt and the walls started to close in on me, I picked up the phone and called my Sister, Aunt and Mothers best friend.  Between the screaming and sobbing none of them understood what I said, I hung up, put on my coat and headed out the door to join my family at the hospital. When I arrived my Mom was on the Asthma machine when an Administrator approached us and asked us to follow him. We went down to the basement and into a dimly lit room with a big window then The administrator opened a door to an adjoining room and directed us to look through the window. He turned on the light and my heart sank in my chest! On a hospital bed with a tube in his mouth and a single tear staining his face layed my nurturing,  caring,  overprotective, understanding Father. The man who had sheltered me for 23 beautiful years caught a heart attack out on the street and died....ALONE!

THAT BROKE MY HEART....


BE THANKFUL FOR NOT ONLY WHAT YOU HAVE BUT WHO YOU HAVE BECAUSE THERE WILL COME A TIME WHERE YOU WILL NO LONGER HAVE THESE PEOPLE.

I'm GRATEFUL for the 23yrs I had with my Dad but everyday I wish for one more moment, laugh, dinner, drink or conversation with him.


REST IN PEACE PAPA BEAR